bits and starts

Because it didn't feel right to follow my papaw with "Kentucky Boy Finds Two-Headed Snake!" yesterday, I'm posting it today. I love the fact they named it Mary Kate and Ashley and am bothered by the fact that the "expert" who has custody thinks he can ride the two-headed snake that won't -- or can't -- eat straight to the Letterman show. Like that'd be so great anyway. This is someone who truly needs to get a life. Finding a two-headed snake is a novelty, and yes, it's a cool thing, what it is not is a life-changing event. Unless your life really sucks snake eggs to begin with.

This is unless, of course, you happen to study two-headed snakes for your living. Fascinating National Geographic piece about someone who does just that here. This is the kind of line women get in movies, when they ask the comedic yet kookily romantic male lead in the bar what he does for a living. Then they throw a drink in his face. Ah, so misunderstood! The call of el snake-o del duo cabezas. (Yes, I know that's probably not right; my Spanish is woefully bad.)

And also, in other animal-related news hijinks: coon hunters are weird. Especially the ones at this big championship thing that story's about. My favorite line is this (though the family event/values stuff is great too):

Vendors sold everything from deep fried Oreos to "coon hunters wife" T-shirts to hunters in camouflage and knee-high boots.

Now, the way that sentence is worded, it sounds as if there are hunters in camouflage and knee high boots for sale. And perhaps there are. To coon dogs, who are overly competitive and don't have masters.

"I'll take the guy in the John Deere cap!"

"Thank you, Mr. Coon Dog. Seen any Red Ferns lately?"

"Very funny. I don't get that one all the time."

# # #

I think the right-headed men and women in California should start a Grope the Governor! campaign. Yes, it would require touching him, but they could wear big plastic fake hands. Just think of the look on his face. It'd be brilliant. Hey, they could train kids to do it on Halloween.

I'll be here all week, folks.