NaDruWriNi, Post the Fifth

"I'm only a beer teetotaler, not a champagne teetotalar; I don't like beer." - George Bernard Shaw

Listening, appropriately, to a song wherein the main lyrics are "I got drunk and I fell down." Which inspires me to share a few pieces of advice from years of bartending (through college) and drinking (still counting).

1. Whenever possible, choose quality. Better than quantity in the honey-smooth feeling way. Reduces hangovers and generally improves life -- just as choosing to consume all other high quality things does.

2. A corollary to one: Bourbon vs. Single Malt? Don't be a snob. Yes, yes, there are some mind-blowingly delicious single malts out there, and yet, there are magnificent bourbons as well and most of them are far more inexpensive. Including the best one on earth, George T. Stagg. It's only released once a year (about now), so pay attention and track it down.

3. If stranded on a desert island what one boozelicious choice would I pick and why? Champagne. (Obvs. no voting for Bush on a desert island, thus endless celebration.)

4. If it's pink or blue, don't drink it. The bartender hates you.

5. Hippies don't tip. Don't be a hippie.

6. When you start to yell at strangers over something you'd usually let go or talk about later, go ahead and let the backlash of happiness begin. This leads to good anecdotes and, in some limited cases, better haircuts for people mocked as "ponytail man." Plus, that philosophy professor was just plain wrong.

7. There's nothing wrong with the occasional afternoon drinking "spell" -- especially when involving the track or another sporting event. So long as it doesn't happen often or alone, drink your mimosa (add a little Grand Marnier for perfection) or Bloody Mary or afternoon wine without feeling especially Bloodworth-Thomason. However, when the early evening hangover sets in, don't blame me.

"I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me." -- Sir Winston Churchill