shaken & stirred

welcome to my martini glass

5.03.2005

the musical continues...

with a slapstick interlude in which the heroine wrestles a gasoline hose as it spews all over the parking lot, her feet, nearby birds and inanimate objects. No one comes out to help, instead choosing to look out the front window of the station and remark to each other, "She's got more money than sense!" (referencing gasoline prices). She must then drive thirty miles in brisk 50-ish degree weather with the windows down so as not to pass out from the overwhelming gas fumes now radiating from her being.

She rummages in her desk and the music swells as: "The Beyond Belief Anti-Bacterial Instant Hand Gel (with moisturizers)* will surely do the trick!" And when she slathers it on then apologizes for any lingering gasoline smell, explaining what happened, is told: "Oh, so you smell like a French whore."

Something which is, sadly, true. Beyond Belief is obviously preferred by French whores everywhere.

*Provided by grandmother, but also one must ask: what kind of hand gel isn't instant?

6 Comments:

  • At 1:44 PM , Anonymous Benjamin Rosenbaum said...

    A French whore about to immolate herself in protest of something?

     
  • At 1:46 PM , Blogger gwenda said...

    I thought it better not to pursue the actual meaning of the comment.

     
  • At 3:01 PM , Anonymous eek said...

    I think "bus station whore" would be more appropriate here.

     
  • At 3:17 PM , Blogger Tito said...

    i think it isn't instant if it is either "fast acting" or "long lasting"

     
  • At 5:13 PM , Blogger gwenda said...

    I think other types of whores are really unfairly neglected due to the sonorous quality of the phrase "French whores." So fraught with existential meaning!

    Instant, fast-acting, long-lasting: LIES, ALL LIES!

     
  • At 1:11 PM , Blogger Ted said...

    It's not instant if it requires cooking over a stovetop for twenty minutes. ("Quaker Old-Fashioned Hand Gel, as recommended by Wilford Brimley.")

     

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