shaken & stirred

welcome to my martini glass

2.18.2005

more please

Hank Stuever writing movie reviews? I'll take several, especially when the first is Constantine:

But enough catechism class. Of course you'd rather talk about the Spear of Destiny! (It's a relic that was believed to have been used to stab Christ's torso as he hung on the cross.) It's been found! Wrapped in a Nazi flag in a Mexican garbage dump! Are you with us?

Manuel, the stereotypical peasant who scavenges the spear, is immediately zombified and begins his trek to Los Angeles to use the Spear to call forth Mammon, the Son of Satan. It's going to be a long trip, and only Constantine and Rachel Weisz (and the ingratiating Shia LaBeouf and don't forget Djimon Hounsou as the Voodoo Pimp Daddy from the Devil Bar) stand in the way of the rise of the Antichrist.

Swedish actor Peter Stormare, who played the creepy eyeball-transplant surgeon in "Minority Report," shows up and shames the acting skills of Keanu et al. with his surprisingly understated (and, as such, convincingly frightening) performance as Satan. After so many cheap sci-fi devils, it's a brief pleasure to be tempted by Stormare's gentle evil, but it's a fleeting one, and soon enough he slithers back to the chili swirls of Hades. Thus concludes this hackneyed, cheap-looking episode of "CSI: Revelation."


Stormare as the devil almost makes it worth it, but then that's what catching the last 15 minutes of a bad movie on cable's for.

See also: The ever-right Cinetrix's take

2 Comments:

  • At 7:06 PM , Blogger Rob said...

    Maybe it was the free passes or the thrill of a sneak preview but I liked Constantine. I wish it would have been in London, that a british actor was the lead but it was a good movie. With the cast it should have been a dynamite movie. Still not a bad comic panel-to-screen adaptation.

     
  • At 5:35 PM , Blogger Didi said...

    Gotta agree with Rob. It might have been the magic of lowered expectations, but I was pleasantly surprised. Even Keanu wasn't as bad as he usually is. It had almost nothing to do with Hellblazer, and managed to mangle the few plotlines it stole from the books, but it was a fun little movie. After Underworld and Van Helsing, it's nice to watch a supernatural thriller and laugh with it, rather than at it.

    And Swinton was awesomeness personified.

     

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