It is evening now, nearly time for the feather bed to open its slinky arms, but I suppose you've seen the news:

crazy is going to see just how crazy it can get.

OOOOkay. So, the article I didn't post about Michael Jackson dangling a baby off a balcony in Germany was the Associated Press one, because it wasn't nearly as snarky as that one from E-"don't forget the"-! But. But. But. The AP story has this beautifully clueless and measured quote from a United States child abuse agency wherein the remarks are prefaced by, "Although it does not appear the child is harmed..."

Excuse me? Sometimes I wonder if the pretty letters I'm reading are the same ones everyone else sees. "Although it does not appear that the child is harmed"?

Lesson: If you are a famous science experiment, zombie, or robot under remote control it's okay to dangle your tiny wiggling baby over a balcony to perhaps arouse the bloodlust in your German fans. It's okay as long as you don't drop the baby. This makes sense in what capacity?

And actually, the part I find most deeply offensive, because really the dangling the baby thing is just scary (have you seen The Video? Scar-Y), is that apparently this nine month old named Prince Michael II's nickname is -- get ready -- No. 3. That's right. The third child (who know one knows the maternity of) is nicknamed No. 3. Oh yes, No. 3 has a bright future ahead of him. I can just see it now. As long, of course, as he doesn't fall.

The behavior of human beings, or um, things that look remarkably like human beings, never ceases to amaze me. And actually, I hope it stays that way because I'd be really fucking worried if I just kind of shrugged when I saw the white-faced nose-disintegrating glove monster of vision dangling a baby with a towel over its head out the window. At least the crowd stopped cheering. That's something.

There were going to be other links, but the feather bed, it calls...

Goodnight, safe sleeping and no glove monster dreams.