ten things that you probably haven't done

Because I'm really a follower. (It hurt to type those words, because they are a lie.)

Off the tippy top of my head:

1. Combined Guinness and espresso late at night in a Huntington club that was half coffee-bar/half real bar and drank it, under the color theory of mixology.

2. Bought a turquoise bowling shirt off Sally Timms’ back after a Mekons show.

3. Heckled Prince Charles in order to get kicked out of the British Museum. (Worked!)

4. Told a USA Today reporter to fuck off when I was 12, following the resolution of a hostage situation involving my brother.

5. Closed down a bar just outside Regent’s Park with a whole team of softball-playing barristers. And out-argued them.

6. Been made a reverend by a rock star and author.

7. Read a friend’s novel manuscript while on a private airplane with a Very Important Person (TM), pretending it was “a report on potable water.”

8. Climbed into a giraffe pit in the zoo to rescue a young lady’s ruby slipper.

9. Mocked both Fabio (“Do you use Mane and Tail?”) and Hansen (“Can I buy you a drink for sucking?”) to their faces. Among others.

10. Read all of Shakespeare when I was 12 on the theory that I’d get a lot more out of everything I read after. Sorta true.